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Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts

N turns 4 and a tad cuter and wiser!

N turned 4 last week and with that S and I breathed a sigh of partial relief. Yay!! we made it through the terrible threes. But wait what might the 4s bring?
Then I read somewhere - " If 3-year-olds are busy, inquisitive, and fun, 4-year-olds are all that, magnified — yet with a budding maturity, self-control, and understanding of rules that help make life a bit calmer." I hope so. 

The 3s have been very demanding. But I can already feel the 4s being more pleasant :) 

When we were talking about how he would like to spend the day. He didn't really have a list of wants. He did not mention the word party. But he continued to scan every toy/gizmo/vehicle around him and let us know that he would like to get it as his birthday gift.  He was told to choose any 2 things - one from mum, one from dad. He did spend a lot of time thinking about what to choose using the phrases "Thinking", "Still thinking", "Still Still thinking" and ultimately chose some decent (subjective, I know!) gifts. On the actual birth day, we took him to an indoor soft play area that he loves. It was bright, colourful and happy and N enjoyed it with friends. 





















We were reading a book a few nights before his birthday. It was about a boy named Angus who shares food from a goods train with people who need it rather than the rich and full, royal family. We do the "What did you learn/like/dislike discussion for the books we read?" And so N said "Mamma, it is a good thing to share things with people who don't have them. I would do that." That motivated me to walk in to my local soup kitchen/community kitchen for people who don't have homes, here in Wellington and I asked about what kind of donations they accept. They said pretty much anything was welcome. I asked N if he would love to share some of his birthday cake with them. He liked the idea!! So we ordered a big cake... 



... and decided to donate it to the soup kitchen after the party. We went to the kitchen after his birthday party and the staff and volunteers there were pleased and wanted to show N the place. His favourite part was the huge walk-in freezer, as big as our master bedroom. 

May the sharing and kind spirit continue. God bless you N!! 

I love this poem by Kahlil Gibran and I hope I can follow it while raising N.

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

~ Source here


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The best compliment ever

I visited a fellow blogger - Sarika of Kraftaria today evening and N tagged along too. 
Once we were there N said hello to Sarika and her daughters. And then proceeded to play with the younger daughter while the mommies were chatting.
He likes to ask names so his first usual question when meeting someone new is "Whatsh your name?" followed by "My name is N".  He did that with the girls too.
After a few minutes I got up to leave and told N to say bye bye.
He grabbed hold of a small stuffed toy and said "I want to keep dis back". Saying this he ran to keep the stuffed toy back at the place where he picked it from. Said bye to everyone and came and stood next to me.
At this point Sarika's elder daughter K says "He knows his manners aunty!"

You should have seen my face beaming with pride and happiness :)
Couldn't have received a more genuine and honest compliment - coming from a 4th grader it felt sweet as in hard-work-pays-off sweet!! 

Thanks K. You made my day!! :)
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Talk to me

"Come. Sit. Talk to me. What's your plan today mamma?" - This is what N said to me while gazing into my eyes.
I was surprised, bemused, amazed and laughing out loud - all at the same time.

Apparently this was S's version of man-to-man conversation with N while mommy was out shopping.
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Choose one

So I take out 2 tops from my cupboard and am trying them out - looking at the mirror.
N walks in to the room, looks at me and says "Choose one Mamma of 2"

This definitely is after repeated statements of "you can choose one toy/shoe/tshirt out of these 2" from me and S.

What you give is what shall get!
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Terrible Twos

"I swear I am not going to take N out with me after today!" This is what I was feeling at the supermarket today evening.
It was a crazy, embarrasing and feel-helpless kind of situation :(

N spotted a toy car that he wanted to touch and play with and then he refused to let go of it when we were ready to go home.
S & I haven't seen this side of him. Lately he has been throwing tantrums and showing resistance to our usual methods of distraction or discipline.

I felt so helpless. A friend's FB status came to mind - "At times I have to remind myself that I am the adult and I need to stay calm".
Finally we did shorten our trip and left the store. Once we were outside he was distracted by cars and buses and forgot about the toy.
Next time before we go out, I am going to talk to him about where we are going, what we shall be doing and what is allowed. Hopefully that shall help!

Have you ever faced such a situation with your little one(s)?


Any suggestions on handling the terrible twos?
:-|
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Lessons in life

Children teach us so much by being themselves!

They don't judge a person.
They are willing to give you a 2nd chance, even a 3rd, 4th and a 5th one.
They form their own opinions and don't go by what people say.
They don't criticise you.
They trust you with all their heart.

I wish I could do some of these things as an adult.
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Of thank you(s) and please(s)

N gets mango juice one evening - his treat after a tiring play session at the park.
I get back to whatever I am doing.
After a few minutes, N is standing at the kitchen door looking at me.
He says "Zaankyu, mama" in that sing song baby voice.
I grin from ear to ear :)
First time ever that N said thank you without prompting.
Modelling behaviour definitely works!
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Parenthood

I was watching this movie today "Marley and Me". Its about a couple who have a dog named Marley and how he keeps them together through years of marriage and 3 kids.
The female lead in the movie, Jennifer Aniston, after a tiring, gruelling and nerve wracking day says "Parenthood is the hardest job and no one ever prepares you for it." I found myself nodding in agreement.

It is the hardest job ever - you are responsible for an individual or 2 or more. Responsible to bring them up the "right" way. To make sure they are well-mannered, decent and well-educated.

There are no training sessions, no live samples to practice real-life situations with. Of course we do have parenting classes and support groups. But theory is very different from practical in this subject. Nothing can train you to manage the rush of anger when your little one does quite the opposite of what you say or the feeling of frustration when he pees in his pants for the nth time just before you are all ready to leave for school. It is an emotionally demanding job.

You have to keep up with the enthusiasm of the clients aka your kids. Constant activities to keep them busy, nursery rhymes over and over again, play ball and catch need a lot of stamina.

There is physical strain involved too! Running behind a 2 year old to finish his meal, carrying him godi (in the lap) along with his school bag, bending down to change diapers zillion times a day (when they are babies) - all this along with keeping the house spic and span, getting hot food on the table does take a toll physically, especially if you don't have any help.  

Moreover you don't get any monetary benefits. The rewards in this case are all intangible.

But when your li'l one smiles that toothy smile and runs up to you and hugs you saying "Mama" in that cute voice everything seems worth it! Its hard work but worth it!!
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Guilty or not?

It all started with my husband's aunt asking me about my 21 month old son N - "You haven't trained him to go poo poo in the pot yet??"
I started thinking of all possible answers and excuses.

"He isn't ready yet" ~ aka I am not ready to clean up all the messes he shall make.
"He just doesn't do it on the pot" ~ aka I don't have the patience to sing songs and clap and dance to entertain him while he sits on the pot.
"What if he poops on the cream coloured couch or the bed?" ~ aka I cannot watch him continuously for signs of going poo poo.

I felt so guilty of not being the "ideal mom" whose kids are potty trained as soon as they hold their first bottles. It was all my fault!
I should have started taking N to the bathroom every 20 minutes when he was a month old. That would have helped. Or I should have brought one of those poo poo song cds or dvds to motivate him into sitting on the pot for some time. Or maybe I should have rewarded him with candy and let him flush every time he used the pot.

The more I thought about it the more it stressed me out. After deeper introspection (read surfing the net and self assurance) I concluded that every kid has a different pace of doing things (I know we all know that). And so DOES every mom. I don't need to attempt to be a "super-mom" always. 
A couple of years down the line I don't want to remember this phase of life for all the mood swings and power struggles I had with N. I want to remember them for the small joys, the role play games and the cuddling together. And that will happen only if both of us are happy with each other. 

The world shall not come crashing down if he wears diapers for a few more months.
So now if someone asks me Why is my 21 months old son still in his diapers? The answer would be "Because I am not ready!" And I shall not feel guilty about that.


This post is my entry to "The Women's web 'Mommy Guilt' contest". Click on this link to see their article 'Fight that Mommy Guilt'.
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Thoughts...

* Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you. ~ Robert Fulghum

* The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. ~ Theodore M. Hesburgh
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