Alien feelings

The feelings are very alien, very weird and mixed! End of day 1 in my "own" house and I can't feel a thing that supports that fact.

I will not pretend that all the feelings are in the neighbourhood of happiness.

There is surprise that a structure of walls, columns, beams and bricks - a blank canvas can convert into something beautiful and a work of art.

There is worry about the sheer amount of work involved to keep a house clean. True for any size, shape, style of a home.

There is disappointment about the way some of us humans behave, the greed we display for money, for more, for anything extra or free. The kharcha-paani that every delivery or installation person wants even though the sales receipt and customer service says delivery and installation are free of cost ma'm!

The shock when a lady who comes to help do a one-time, one-day only, clean up of the place, which has already been properly cleaned once, asks for Rs 600/- to do a round of sweeping and mopping and no other actual cleaning and refuses to budge till that amount is given.

The feeling of being let down by the shoddy work done by some groups of workmen, with the taps leaking at places, the doors coming off at hinges, the paint peeling off (already???). What happened to good work ethics, quality of work and doing one's job properly?

The feeling of slight regret at the thought that maybe I should have gone with a big interior contractor/firm to do get all the work done. Maybe the final quality and look of the work could have been better. The could-have-beens and if-onlys just add to it.

The hope that all these niggles and hiccups will be gone eventually and things will work smoothly.

The pleasure of lovely views, night time city lights, cool breeze, warm hearts and sun drying clothes.

The joy when things like newspaper delivery, laundry collection, milk delivery and car wash are all taken care with one phone call.

The belief that all things that are meant for you shall come to you - in one way or another! So do what you want to and life will gently tread you towards the path meant for you, towards people you are supposed to meet, towards places you are supposed to go to!

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N turns 4 and a tad cuter and wiser!

N turned 4 last week and with that S and I breathed a sigh of partial relief. Yay!! we made it through the terrible threes. But wait what might the 4s bring?
Then I read somewhere - " If 3-year-olds are busy, inquisitive, and fun, 4-year-olds are all that, magnified — yet with a budding maturity, self-control, and understanding of rules that help make life a bit calmer." I hope so. 
The 3s have been very demanding. But I can already feel the 4s being more pleasant :) 

When we were talking about how he would like to spend the day. He didn't really have a list of wants. He did not mention the word party. But he continued to scan every toy/gizmo/vehicle around him and let us know that he would like to get it as his birthday gift.  He was told to choose any 2 things - one from mum, one from dad. He did spend a lot of time thinking about what to choose using the phrases "Thinking", "Still thinking", "Still Still thinking" and ultimately chose some decent (subjective, I know!) gifts. On the actual birth day, we took him to an indoor soft play area that he loves. It was bright, colourful and happy and N enjoyed it with friends. 

We were reading a book a few nights before his birthday. It was about a boy named Angus who shares food from a goods train with people who need it rather than the rich and full, royal family. We do the "What did you learn/like/dislike discussion for the books we read?" And so N said "Mamma, it is a good thing to share things with people who don't have them. I would do that." That motivated me to walk in to my local soup kitchen/community kitchen for people who don't have homes, here in Wellington and I asked about what kind of donations they accept. They said pretty much anything was welcome. I asked N if he would love to share some of his birthday cake with them. He liked the idea!! So we ordered a big cake... 

... and decided to donate it to the soup kitchen after the party. We went to the kitchen after his birthday party and the staff and volunteers there were pleased and wanted to show N the place. His favourite part was the huge walk-in freezer, as big as our master bedroom. 

May the sharing and kind spirit continue. God bless you N!! 

I love this poem by Kahlil Gibran and I hope I can follow it while raising N.

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

~ Source here

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Social skills!

Why do some people lack basic social skills?
And if they don't have any - why don't they watch and learn.

In my experience the following set of species are the most irritating -
1) The advisor - Shall I add that "unsolicited" precedes advisor? They are usually the unassuming kinds who seem very harmless but with one mighty lash of their tongue they could spoil your entire day. They can dispense expert advice (in their opinion) for anything and everything under the sun! From "why don't you give your child some honey for the cough?" - I just did that lady! to "You shouldn't wear that dress/shirt/top/whatever..." - Did I even ask your opinion. And no they just don't get that "look" you give them.

2) The Ms/Mr take-you-for-granted - These kinds think they can use you for anything and everything - without asking. This could include using your car to make a "quick" trip to the supermarket, borrowing your iron/hair dryer/mixer and not returning it till you go and ask for it after 10 days, or sending their kid over to play with yours every afternoon just when you are about to nap! Ouch!

3) The nosey parker - This species relishes any opportunity to head into your house and update their current affairs knowledge. They know who in the neighbourhood is planning to run off with whom, whose geyser is not working, whose maid steals and who went shopping. They are often found stuck to the keyhole on their main door!

4) The know-it-all - This species considers themselves the Encyclopedia Britannica's of the world. For everything you say they will have something more to add. They always want to have the last word. No one measures up to their strict criteria of "being-perfect" and "knowledgeable". They never lose the opportunity to show off their gathered expertise.

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Now or later

Day before yesterday my mother-in-law's mother-in-law fell down and broke her hip. My grand mother-in-law (don't know if that's the right word for the relation) is almost 90 years old. She had to undergo surgery. It was a very risky surgery considering that anesthesia can be fatal at this age in some cases.
                                                   As a result my in-laws who were supposed to be visiting us for a month had to cut short their vacation and rush back home. My grand mother-in-law survived the surgery. But she will have to be on bed rest for about 3 months which sure isn't a pleasant thing for any age!
                                          This episode made me think about how short lived our plans are. We can go on making as many as we would like but life, destiny, time, God (or any other name you would like to give it) can change them anytime. Like in this case there were things that we had planned to do in the later half of the vacation - go out for a short trip, celebrate Diwali together - which we wouldn't be able to do now.
So does this mean we shouldn't make plans?
Or should we go ahead but be flexible when life throws a spanner into our plans?
Whatever the choice - this and many such incidents make my belief stronger that there is something called destiny!

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Old vs New

Every new generation should learn to be more flexible with their ways, views and words.
Every old generation should let the young ones learn from their mistakes rather than trying to teach them everything.

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By The Water Cooler - our love story

It was my first out-of-the-country-trip for work. I went on an assignment to Los Angeles for my now ex-employer. I was enjoying the whole experience of being independent, being overseas and doing the onsite-offshore work thing.
                                                                                It must have been a few weeks into my trip when I was working late one evening. One of my team leads walked into my cubicle with a sheaf of papers in hand. I didn't work with him directly - we were on separate projects.

He - "I want to talk to you about something".
Me - "Yes, tell me."
He - "Not here, lets go to a conference room."

I was slightly perplexed about why would he want to talk to me. Then I noticed the set of papers in his hand - they belonged to a project I had worked on a few weeks back when I just landed in LA. The launch hadn't gone all that well and there were a few bugs found post launch.
             My mind started working frantically - he was going to tell me to pull my socks up. I should have been more dilligent about my work instead of being so happy to be in the US of A. I followed him; my head bowed down, my heart pounding like a hammer, twidling my thumbs. As luck would have it the conference rooms were all booked so we walked past them one after the other. He said "Lets use the dining area." I went numb thinking "Oh shoot! Now I'll be reprimanded in front of everyone!"
                                                           Thankfully there was no one in the dining area at that hour. We sat down - me as far away from him as possible. I am sure anyone within 5 feet could hear my heart beating. He started speaking " Since the last 15 days...." and I wished I could hide somewhere. Ofcourse I had been having fun since the last 15 days - trips to malls, lunch at a new place everyday, weekend trips with friends, work was the last thing on my mind.
                          ".....I have been feeling very differently about you. I like you." Wait a minute!!! Whaat! This is not what he was supposed to say. I sat gaping at him. I couldn't utter a word for about a minute, seemed like ages that time. He continued on with what was his version of proposing to me :))
I was relieved at first that this wasn't about me not working properly et all. Then came in the happy-in-my-heart feeling!

What happened after that is another story altogether (and maybe another post) but eventually we are together now with a very active 2 year old! Even today when I think of that day I end up smiling.
Our love story started literally by the water cooler ;)

***************************************************
This is my entry to Parul Sharma's "By The Water Cooler" contest.  Check out the link for a sneak peek into what her new book is all about!

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Lessons in life

Children teach us so much by being themselves!

They don't judge a person.
They are willing to give you a 2nd chance, even a 3rd, 4th and a 5th one.
They form their own opinions and don't go by what people say.
They don't criticise you.
They trust you with all their heart.

I wish I could do some of these things as an adult.

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S turns older!

My dear darling hubby S turned 32 today. I sometimes look back in time and feel very happy that our paths crossed. If I were to describe him here is how that would go -
                                                         He is tall, broad shouldered  and well built (though a little paunch sticks out from time to time). At first glance he seems shy or quiet. Some of my aunts call him mild-mannered and 'biba' (which in Punjabi means decent). He has a pleasant personality and smiles - most of the time!
                                               He is generous and big-hearted! He might bargain with the big electronic shop for a discount but to the golguppe wala on the street he will gladly give an extra 10 bucks. For him the old saying holds true "ghar mein jagah ho na ho, dil mein jagah honi chahiye" (which means "it doesn't matter whether there is space in the house or not, there should be place in the heart").

S is honest and has his head-on-his-shoulders. He can stay detached from a situation and yet give you practical advice. A lot of our friends really appreciate that about him. I get irritated with that sometimes because he cannot be the 'just-hear-me-out-don't-give-a-solution' kind of friend. Well then there are girl friends for that :)

Like a true cancerian he is very attached to his family - parents, siblings as well as N and me. Another cancerian quality is the "love for food". S is a true foodie and loves trying out new restaurants. His favourite cuisine remains apna desi Indian khana.

As a father S is great! From the time N was born S participated in every aspect of taking care of a baby. As a result I could leave N with S and regain my sanity by spending some time with my friends and by myself. Initially I used to interfere with how he handled N but I slowly learnt how to control those urges and let S handle N in his own way.

My mom had once asked me "Why S?" ~ Because he makes me feel loved! I am comfortable in my skin with him. I feel protected yet independent. I feel I can do anything in the world with him close to me.
Happy Birthday sweetheart!!

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30 ROCKS!!

Atleast it wasn't as bad as I had thought it would be.
I turned 30 today err technically yesterday - 20th June. I was dreading turning 30 as if overnight I would have more gray hair, I would have more wrinkles on my face, I would add a few pounds to my already out-of-shape body structure. But none of that happened!

I didn't feel any wiser or more patient either. I was still running behind and yelling at N. I was still feeling crabby, irritated and short tempered when my birthday lunch plans went awry!

But then when I look back at 30 years of my presence on this planet... life's been great! I have taken risks, used my heart more often than my head. I have studied hard and made sure that I could support myself (the credit for that goes to my parents).

I have travelled, made friends, tried new cuisines, shopped like crazy, partied, read a lot (I want to read lots more and have a library at home), laughed and loved with all my heart.

I have had my share of heart breaks, have seen beautiful sunrises and sunsets, walked over sandy beaches and icy mountains.

I have no regrets in life. I am happy ~ thats what matters!
And I look forward to the next 30 years of my life.

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My best friend!

I never had "one" "single" best friend throughout school, college and work-life. I used to fit people in my ring of concentric circles. The outermost circle being acquaintances aka the "hi-hello" friends, The next inner circle was made of people somewhat closer than the acquaintances - people whom I shared some common interest with and hung out once in a while. The next inner circle being "close" friends - who knew my secrets, with whom I could be my self and hung out most of the time. The innermost or core of this ring of circles was never occupied by a friend - not because I couldn't find someone to fit in there. It was because I already had someone who couldn't be replaced - my sister.
                                            She has been there for me from as far as I can think of. My earliest memory of this goes back to when I was 5 or maybe 6 years old. I used to be afraid of the dark. One day while we were playing hide and seek - it was my turn to hide. I went into the corner of the farthermost room in our colonial style army bungalow and hid myself behind a huge trunk. My parents were sitting outside on the terrace sipping their evening tea. Suddenly the lights went out and I panicked. My sister who by-the-way was 3 or 4 years old that time ran into the house. My dad followed her into the house, worried that she might hurt herself in the dark. But she was quick, she looked into all the rooms and found me crouching behind that trunk, eyes shut and ears closed. She sat down next to me and hugged me saying "Didi OK". I am not afraid of the dark any longer but this incident will stay with me forever.
Whenever I have been down and out through college - I was in a hostel during my engineering days - she was one person who could cheer me up and bring me back to my exuberant self. She just knows which buttons to trigger.
She has excused and ignored my shortcomings. She sometimes does not agree with what I say or do. And she has voiced her opinion in those cases. But she has the maturity to understand that it is OK for us to have separate opinions and ways of doing things. We can stay together and yet have our own space. We share common interests - going out, watching movies, eating and window shopping. She is my stress buster, my unpaid babysitter, my masseur (she is so good at a pain relieving massage along the back bone and shoulders), my 3 am pillow talk person, my confidante and my partner-in-crime. My sister - my best friend!

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Thoughts...

* Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you. ~ Robert Fulghum

* The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. ~ Theodore M. Hesburgh

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Lovely music and lyrics

There is this new Limca ad featuring Hrishita Bhatt and Viraf Patel ~ did you know Viraf was the Grasim Mr India 2005?
               The music is so refreshing and light! And the lyrics are beautiful. Though I am not a fan of being drenched in Limca or water for that matter.


Here are the lyrics -
Yeh nok jhok shararatein hain,
Phuharon ki yeh sazishen hain.
Thandi aahein, aur nigahein
Phir se apni bana lo na.
Soyi soyi khwahishon ko,
aaj phir se jaga lo na.


Taaza taaza rishton ki yeh,
taaza taaza ibaratein hain.
Shabnamon ki taazgi mein,
khwabon ko tum dooba lo na.
Khathi meethi in lamhon se,
mastiyon ko bicha lo na.


Yeh nok jhok shararatein hain...

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Questions...

Why does success often leave us feeling empty?

How come happiness occasionally ends up tiring us?

Why does achievement sometimes not really give us any satisfaction?

Why do we let some people cast a negative cloud?

Why do we forget the people who make us feel good and think about people who make us feel bad?

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